


Lutalica

by polaroidoftano



Category: Star Wars, Star Wars: The High Republic (Marvel Comics 2021), Star Wars: The High Republic: Into The Dark - Claudia Gray, Star Wars: The High Republic: Light of the Jedi - Charles Soule
Genre: OC, Original Jedi Character - Freeform, Padawan OC - Freeform, Star Wars - Freeform, The High Republic, avar kriss - Freeform, star wars the high republic - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-13
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-20 18:27:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30009087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/polaroidoftano/pseuds/polaroidoftano
Summary: “Do you know what it means to be a Jedi?” Master Malli asked.“Hope” Nyla replied, gaining a few confused glances.“Hope?”“Yes. Mumma said the Jedi were hope. She told me that without the great peace, um, peace people the galaxy would fall apart. She told me stories of how the Jedi had saved her village from evil people. How if it weren’t for Jedi risking their lives for others then there wouldn’t be hope in the galaxy.”
Comments: 2
Kudos: 2





	Lutalica

**Author's Note:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: mentions of depression, anxiety, self doubt, mental illness (that was all i could think of, but please if you see more let me know)
> 
> ah! so. uhm hello there. thank you so much for taking the time to read my little story. not really sure what to say here since this is my first time ever posting any of my OC's stories...(so please be kind) I hope you are able to find comfort in Nyla's story as I have. if you are curious, i cosplay Nyla on tiktok, @ariacosplays. <3
> 
> please be kind to yourself and others today <3
> 
> much love,  
> aria

Starlight Beacon Training Room

“Ah!” Nyla screamed as she fell. “I slipped”

“Yes. After I caught you off guard.” Her Master, Avar Kriss, said, extending a hand towards her. “Never turn your back on an enemy”

“You’re not my enemy, though!” Nyla sighed and took Avar’s hand. “I just don’t see how excessive dueling practice is even relevant if there are no sith lords for the Jedi to fight. I mean yeah maybe it’s useful and it certainly looks cool, but Master, shouldn’t we be practicing meditation techniques?” No matter how much they dueled, Nyla knew she would never be a match for her Master’s expertise. Sure Nyla liked dueling and found it hilarious that with all of her practice with the senior Jedi neither Bell nor Reath could keep up with her. 

What Nyla really craved was a deeper study and knowledge of the force itself. She’d often hear her master speak of ‘the song of the force’ but no matter how hard she meditated, she could never hear it. It was utterly frustrating for her. She’d often let doubt take over and ask, ‘Is there something wrong with me?’ ‘Am I meditating hard enough?’ ‘Is it because I was too old when I was brought to the temple?’

“Padawan, there is no way in telling what the future may bring. There will always be light and dark. And if darkness rises and the Sith rise again-“ Avar smiled “you’ll be glad you practiced.” Avar knew how much her padawan longed to ‘find her place’ in the force. She sensed Nyla’s frustration and feelings of inadequacy while meditating, and in some ways could recall a time when she felt the same way. She’d always seen Nyla as a bright light that could light up any room, but she knew it was a ruse to hide her anxieties and feelings of inadequacy.

Mental illnesses were not widely accepted in the galaxy and even less so in the Jedi Order. Nyla often voiced her opinions about how ‘no one judges someone who was born with a physical disability. Why should they judge someone who was born with an ill mind?’ Avar knew she was correct.

“I guess” Nyla sighed, igniting her lightsaber again. The blue blade accentuating her light eyes.

“I think that’s enough practice for one night. I fancy a cup of caf, care to join me? Or are you going to tell me you’re tired then spend the rest of the night in deep meditation?” 

‘She knows me too well.’ Nyla thought. “I was going to say that I’m tired then head to the archives and pick up a holobook to read to the younglings. They’ve kind of gotten into a routine where they don’t want to sleep unless I read them a story. If I didn’t know better, I’d say they were attached to me!”

“They do love you, but-“ Avar was cut off.

“Beware of my attachment. I know, I know.” Nyla rolled her eyes. “They just remind me of when I was very young. Mumma would read to me to lull me to sleep.” Speaking of her mother was something only a select few people could get Nyla to do. It was a bittersweet topic. She was so young when her mother left, yet she still remembered every moment they’d spent together. Attachments were forbidden in the order, but how could someone just forget their parents? She supposed she was a padawan learner in every sense of the word. There was still so much she had yet to fully understand. “They had saber training today, so they’ll be tired and will fall asleep fast. I’ll head to bed early. Promise.” Lies. She was already planning which holobooks she would pick up for herself to meditate on after the younglings fell asleep.

“Alright. I am choosing to trust you today. But don’t stay up late. We have a long day tomorrow and I don’t want to have to drag you out of bed 15 minutes after you were supposed to meet me in the hangar. We are going to help oversee the construction of the new outpost on Lothal, so punctuality is essential.” 

“I promise i’ll be ready and in the hangar on time. You can trust me.” Nyla said, running out the door and making her way towards the archives.

As she walked she took in the beauty of the temple here on the beacon. The walls almost seemed to sparkle with all of the gold accents. She smiled and nodded her head at the few Jedi she saw passing by. She knew almost everyone being the marshal’s padawan and all. She was happy for her master. This was a big assignment and if anyone deserved the honor, it was Jedi Master Avar Kriss. ‘They’re making me Marshal of the station. I guess we impressed the counsel at Hetzal’ she’d told Nyla at the beacon’s dedication. It seemed a bit surreal at first. Nyla had vocalized no complaints. She did love the adventure that came from being in the frontier, but she also really loved coruscant. Most of her peers were there, and although she didn’t consider all of them friends -her trust issues wouldn’t let her- she still enjoyed their company at times. 

Newly promoted Master Elzar Mann was also on Coruscant. She missed their long discussions about whatever Nyla had learned that day, or week, or however long it had been since they’d last spoken. He seemed to always have time to listen. Whether she wanted to complain about something Avar wouldn’t let her do or even shed a few tears over lives they couldn’t save. They’d grown quite close and at times she’d have to stop herself from thinking of him as the father she never had. A hard task considering Elzar was the one who had found and brought her to the temple when she was a child. She’d mistaken him for a pirate and used the force to throw rocks at him. He dodged nearly all of them, but one managed to hit him in the arm, a memory he would never let her forget. ‘I STILL have a scar on my arm. Stars you were the most annoying six year old I had ever met. Brave. But very annoying.’ Nyla knew Master Kriss also missed his presence, though she would never admit it. She seemed sad whenever another Knight or Master mentioned him. Nyla had seen the way they looked at each other and knew they must have had feelings for each other when they themselves were padawans. ‘If only things were different.They could have been happy.’ She would say to herself. She wanted them to be happy.

It wasn’t uncommon for padawans to be in ‘secret’ romantic relationships, but all attachments would have to be severed once one progressed to a Knight. Nyla didn’t quite understand it all. She’d never felt that type of attraction to anyone and was happy to be going about her studies without what she called ‘pointless distraction and heartache’. She wasn’t devoid of love, she just didn’t care for anyone in that way. ‘There’s nothing wrong with you’ Avar had told her. ‘Not everyone has to have these types of feelings towards others. In fact it shows how focused you are on your training. That’s a great thing.’ The words did nothing to soothe her self-doubt, but she was glad to know that she had done something ‘great’ without even trying.

Nyla smiled as she entered the archives. No matter how she was feeling that day the distinct atmosphere of the rooms could always calm her. She quickly grabbed a few old fable stories for the younglings then slowly ran her fingers over the spines of the more advanced holobooks. The closer she looked, the more annoyed she had became. “Stars. Which one?” She sighed to herself with a frown.

“Looking for something in particular Padawan Ri’vos?” came a voice from behind. Nyla turned to see Master Eilos Keez, a Pantoran senior archivist. “I thought I told you that this particular section is only available to Knights and Masters? Was there some secret knighting I wasn’t aware of?” He asked with a light chuckle. He wasn’t one to enforce every strict rule, especially not to someone with such a curiosity for deeper subjects. 

“Just picking up something for my master?” She hadn’t meant for it to come out as a question. Slightly embarrassed, she looked down. “No… I just. I had a question and I wanted to find answers for myself before I asked Master Kriss. I saw a holobook here yesterday but wasn’t able to pick it up.”

“Ask your question. I won’t give you an answer, but I’ll point you in the right direction.” He assured her. He admired how she hated answered being given to her. ‘If you are given all the answers, how are you supposed to learn?’ She had told him on several occasions.

“I. Well please don’t think ill of me, I just. I wondered why some of us can see the force more clearly than others. When I meditate I see and feel the force, but I don’t know how to describe it… Master Kriss says she hears a song and Master Mann said he sees an ocean. I-Why can’t I see anything? I was looking for a deeper study of meditation techniques so that I might be able to, I don’t know, see the force more clearly.” She sighed. 

“You doubt yourself too much.” She’d heard that more than once before. “How old are you again? 19?” 

“17” She replied, earning a deep chuckled from the much taller man. She didn’t like being so young- or short. Older Jedi tended to assume their younger peers knew nothing.

“Such deep thoughts coming from someone so young. It is admirable.” He moved past her and picked up a few holos. “I think you will enjoy these.” Before she could grasp them he pulled them away. “But. I can’t let you take them. I’m sorry, Nyla. These techniques can be dangerous. Only those who feel disconnected from the force have used them successfully. Your perceived problem isn’t a problem at all. You can’t possibly expect yourself to have the same connection to the force that your master does.” He frowned. “You connection will grow stronger with time. Be patient with yourself.” Nyla hated being patient.

She sighed. She knew she shouldn’t argue. Besides having learned to respect her seniors, he might tell Master Kriss and she definitely didn’t want to hear another lecture about ‘respecting other’s reasoning’ and ‘overworking’. “I understand. Thanks anyways Master Keez. I guess I better get to the younglings before they give their Chrechmaster too much trouble. Have a good night, master.”

“Goodnight padawan.” He said walking away with the newly ‘forbidden holos’ knowing she would take them if given the opportunity. ‘I really hate how well everyone knows me.’ 

She looked down at the fable holos she’d picked up. ‘I guess all I’m going to read is The Wanderer tonight. Well, could be worse.’ She shrugged.

———————

Youngling Quarters

“Another one, Nyla!” said the only youngling still awake. Liva was her name. She was one of the older girls in her group. Still, she was young, only around 5. 

“No way little miss. It’s far too late and everyone else has already fallen asleep.” Nyla chuckled. “Here, I’ll tuck you in.” She offered.

“But-“ 

“No buts. It’s late and I have to be up early. C’mon little one.” The younglings could be stubborn, but Nyla was more stubborn. Still, she enjoyed reading to them just as much as they enjoyed listening. Often times Nyla would animate the stories or make up little songs to make them smile. She couldn’t remember a time when she wasn’t a ‘storyteller’ even when she was a youngling herself she would make up stories to tell the others- or at least she tried. Many of her peers hadn’t been very kind to her most of the time. She knew they thought she wasn’t worthy of being a youngling since she was brought in 4 years older than the normal initiate. She remembered how Avar and Elzar pleaded with the counsel to let her stay instead of sending her to an orphanage.

Jedi Temple - Coruscant - 13 years ago

“The force is strong with her. With the proper training, I believe she could do great things.” Avar said, running her fingers through the hair of a terrified looking Nyla standing at her side. The counsel exchanged unimpressed glances. Very few younglings who were brought in past the age of 2 or 3 progressed to padawans.

“She seems to have a natural talent. I believe she could catch up with the others in no time. She did manage to not only throw rocks at me using the force, but she also identified a kyber crystal. Sure she didn’t know what it was, but she heard it calling to her. Is that not something that even initiates older than her struggle with?” Elzar reasoned. He’d only known the child for a few days, but he had already seen her do incredible things. ‘If only the counsel would give her a chance, she could potentially be one of the most powerful Jedi the order has ever seen.’ He had told Avar while sharing a cup of caf together the night before.

“Come here young one.” said Jora Malli, one of the counsel members. Nyla looked up at Avar who gave her a small nod. Nyla was intimidated by the Togruta woman standing before her, but she knew she wanted to stay, so she mustered the courage to approach the woman.

“Do you know what it means to be a Jedi?” Master Malli asked.

“Hope” Nyla replied, gaining a few confused glances.

“Hope?” 

“Yes. Mumma said the Jedi were hope. She told me that without the great peace, um, peace people the galaxy would fall apart. She told me stories of how the Jedi had saved her village from evil people. How if it weren’t for Jedi risking their lives for others then there wouldn’t be hope in the galaxy.” Nyla felt a tear roll down her cheek. She hadn’t known why her mother had left her so suddenly, but after a year on her own she’d lost hope that she’d come back. “I want to be hope. Please let me stay. I promise I won’t throw rocks at anyone else. I promise to listen and learn. Please don’t send me away.” She pleaded, finally looking the togruta in the eyes. She was surprised to see the compassion in the woman’s eyes. But what surprised her more was the comfort she felt. Jora Malli had sensed her anxiety and decided to use the force to help calm her. She was only a child, after all.

“You speak truth, young one. I think this child will do well. Any objections?” Master Malli asked, looking around at her fellow counsel members. If anyone did have any objections, they decided it best not to vocalize them.

“Thank you thank you thank you!” Nyla yelled, hugging the legs of a very surprised togruta. “Oh. Sorry.” she said, and pulled away embarrassed.

“No need for apologies youngling. Don’t let me down.”


End file.
